Communication, High Performers, and Keeping Up With Expectations
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Communication is that weird thing that allows excellent teams to work together efficiently, married couples to survive the worst times, and everyone else to not go totally insane when the world turns against them. The problem is that the surroundings we are living in right now are filled with agents of attention-seeking behaviours stealing our focus from what is valuable, vast amounts of polarization are pitting one side against the other, and never-ending and often destructive voice in our head, bringing doubts, assumptions and pain. The overload of all these on-the-surface messages is followed by a lack of any meaningful exchange of thoughts and words, which lets our inner self go on the rampage and write stories that never had a place, that are not true right now and won’t become a reality in our worst nightmares. Yet, we do that over and over again. All because of the void created by the lack of meaning and the unhelpful noise that pushes us to create our own version of reality. We are all guilty of where we are now, believing it’s not us, it’s them. Our ego gets in the way, and that’s all that matters to us, consciously or not.
Ego — an unhealthy belief in our own importance that often stands in the way and creates a barrier between us and reality.
Whilst different areas of our lives require different approaches, each communication challenge has similar roots and shares some common traits. Still, the most important one is “us,” and in most cases, we are talking about our fears, assumptions, and biases. We see others the same way we see ourselves — at least, that’s what we think is happening, and we often don’t listen, focusing on getting our message across and not paying too much attention to what others are telling us.
It is sometimes intriguing when two people talk about multiple situations involving the same person, and I start feeling that it’s not a work issue at all. Sounds more like marriage problems where what is said is not what is happening. Some people are joking about each other that “she is your work-wife”, and whilst this is being brushed off quickly as just a silly joke, usually it is a spot-on observation. Apparently, I have my “work-wife”, too, and the relationship between us involves emotions, helping each other to control them and maintaining psychological safety. At the same time, it’s a relationship that must survive because we are building something unique and choose to be in it together. Divorce is not an option.
Startups, in particular, face unique communication challenges. Early-stage companies are filled with high-performers who are deeply invested in the company’s success and are committed to doing their best. While this dedication is admirable, it can also lead to friction and communication issues. Recognizing and addressing these challenges is essential to foster a healthy and productive work environment. So, let’s focus a bit on the high performers…
High performance, high expectations.
Many leaders (don’t mistake with “people with fancy job titles”) have high expectations from their colleagues. Whilst it might sound like a good attribute, they often judge people around them through their skewed lenses of dedication, output, engagement, and, most importantly, their way of thinking. On top of that, they usually expect actions to be taken “now” because their busy minds are already forming answers to the troubling questions. It works like a conveyor belt in a factory where issues arise, the solution is provided, and it goes through execution. Ultimately, it leaves the warehouse, solved and forgotten and not worth more time and attention.
That leads to many communication challenges, like “being proactively informed.” This is especially valid for people who have yet to create a close relationship, a bond of trust they can rely on. Until the relationship is established, we must overcommunicate on matters we are working on together. We need to manage other’s expectations, whether they are our boss or maybe someone reporting to us. It is called managing up and down. Proactiveness is the key to destroying assumptions before they can form.
People in the vacuum of information will fill the void with their fears and assumptions.
To be clear, it’s not about communicating about every silly thing, spamming people with messages, and creating noise. It’s about giving short, meaningful updates that can be consumed in seconds and providing assurance that we know what we are doing, we are taking care of the matters, and the problem put in front of us will soon be resolved. It shows we care about things others care about. That’s how we build trust.
I love it when these relationships once they reach the “full trust” stage. I talk to a person and present the problem, but I don’t have to develop a solution — we come up with it together. Randomly, I will hear “still on it, some challenges around A and B”. A few days later — “Hey, the thing we talked about is almost done; the last tweaks, PR, will be deployed early next week, and you can push it forward. By the way, I also thought about X and Y”. I didn’t have to hear regular updates and assurance about the progress. Still, I’ve been proactively notified to get ready to come back to the topic soon so I can better plan my workload. It is the best feeling you can get while working within any team. Trust and communication are practical and efficient, but they take time. They can’t be built in a day.
They can always ask for an update, right? Why do wehave to be proactive and think for them?
People can always ask for updates, but it’s not productive. It requires effort and creates an environment of control. When asked a few times, “Are we done yet?” we will be frustrated and start feeling micromanaged. At the same time, our manager (or whoever that is) will go through a mental battle of whether they should ask and make sure it is all good, nothing came up and feel like they are micromanaging, or hope it is all good, even if the task they rely on might be at risk?
The void is here, and it may be for good reasons. Occasionally, the other person will find out that we forgot about something, requirements have been missed, or some other random issue could have been prevented by asking questions and communicating proactively. It’s really not a lot to ask for. That’s how the trust is built.
OK, how to manage these type of people?
You might ask now, “OK, but how do I manage high performers?” The answer is simple — you don’t! These types of people need rock-solid communication, a good framework of rules and boundaries and your trust, a lot of trust. They will manage themselves as long as they understand the expectations.
Noone celebrates when nothing happens
This is the best representation of good communication and relationships in a company between people. When things are smooth, like in a well-oiled machine, nobody celebrates it; it almost feels like everybody takes it for granted. It is expected; it’s a norm. When the cracks start showing up, you will get the heat.
Don’t mistake it with an environment where things are burning down and people are just afraid to talk about it in fear of being fired.
Managing our own expectations
Recognising that we are all different and cannot measure others by who we are is necessary. If you don’t want to proactively communicate, thinking it is just noise, it doesn’t mean others around you are the same. Your communication style must fit the company, team and individuals you work with. Suppose somebody tells you, “You don’t communicate well”. In that case, your last reply should be, “But I’m just quiet, and I don’t like to overcommunicate”. And no, “I’m an introvert” is not a good excuse either, sorry. Accept responsibility and feedback that can help you at work and in your life.
Don’t measure others by your standards
Open, proactive, and kind communication not only helps others but also shows you are engaged, open, transparent, and understand the dynamics in the work environment. This is what makes you a leader without a title, and that’s when unexpected people will start recognising your efforts. Exciting things will start happening, incredible new projects come your way, and different opportunities will knock at your door.
Enagage
- Be proactive about things others care about, and they will care about yours, too. It sounds simple, and it is simple. You are not an island, no matter how amazing or introverted you think you are.
- If you expect a change, be the change and lead by example.
- Relationships at work are still relationships. Even when you are not talking to someone, it is still a relationship — obviously not a good one. Maybe there is a lesson for you if someone triggers your unexpected and emotional reactions. Avoidance is always the easiest option.
- Stay open to feedback and stop being defensive and full of excuses. Assume people have good intentions, and you will not feel harmed. You might not agree with feedback, but it’s always your choice to decide what you are going to do about what you hear. Sometimes, it’s okay to just ignore it, too.
- Provide honest feedback if you expect one back. Obviously.
- … and there is undoubtedly a lot of other things you might be doing, but I felt like this is a small reminder of the most important ones, which hasn’t been covered by this already long article 😉
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