There are many discussions about the fact that we should, in fact, give way more feedback than we usually do. Which is correct.

Equally, a ton of guidance on how to give feedback. Super important.

We rarely talk about the type of feedback and the effect of imbalances here. This is what this short issue is all about.

In my experience (24 years in the industry) and based on what I’m hearing from my network:

• Most of us are just… simply not providing feedback in general. Not nearly enough, at least. Why? Because it’s convenient this way (for oh so many reasons).

• The second-largest group of people (especially leaders) tend to lean on giving constructive criticism way more than “praise”.

• The third-largest cohort nearly only gives praise, no criticism, ever.

(I’ve been in all the groups above, at different stages of my growth…)

Among many things, feedback should provide a way for the receiver to get a reality check of their behavior and/or performance — piece together what they are doing right, and what they aren’t.

Now map this out to the three groups of feedback givers listed above. I think you see where I’m getting with this.

If the receiver gets enough feedback (from group 2 and 3) to see a pattern, AND they are mature enough not to be biased (no, we’re really not…), they can theoretically get a decently fair picture.

In reality, this is up to luck and far too unpredictable.

We, humans, in general have certain biases and tendencies, sometimes even working together against taking things in an objective manner:

• 😖 Most people tend to be overly critical and negative about themselves (yes, even the ones who seem self-confident). Not all, but a staggering majority.

• ☝️ We have a confirmation bias, in this case, meaning that people who are overly negative about themselves will amplify any criticism and dampen any praise.

• 🙉 We tend to avoid things which give us negative emotions, such as negative feedback.

• 🙀 We are easily biased by what others say about us, plus there’s a recency bias (the feedback I’ve heard today impacts me more heavily than what I’ve heard two weeks ago).

• 🙌 When giving praise, we really don’t do a good job usually. We’ve learned how to give “safe” criticism by employing frameworks, trying to stay objective and talks about actions and their effect. When it comes to positive feedback, we tend to think all we need is to pat them on the back. “Nice job”, “Great presentation”, etc. are nice (much better than nothing), but they lack structure, context and don’t really help the receiver understand what exactly worked well in their behavior/action, and how to repeat that.

• When things go well, we perceive it as “normal”; hence we don’t give praise that often. After all, only people doing outstanding things should get a praise, right? Wrong.

All of the above (feedback giver groups & our internal tendencies) results in a couple of imbalances when it comes to processing feedback:

1. Whenever we get feedback, it’s typically constructive criticism (a.k.a. “negative feedback”) → combined with our tendencies above, most of us amplify this even more, biasing our self-assessment to be overly negative.

2. Because of this, we associate feedback with negative emotions (unconsciously), so we try to avoid it as much as we can, with different techniques.

3. When we get those rare pieces of positive feedback, we dampen them.

We (feedback givers) need to fix this imbalance. There is actual research about the ideal praise-to-criticism ratio (see the Harvard Business Review article that made me write this post).

💡 The ideal praise-to-criticism ratio is 5-6 : 1 — meaning for every criticism you give, you should be giving 5 or 6 praises.

If this feels out of touch with reality, think about the biases I described above. Also, think about the people you work with. I bet even your “meh” performers get things right for most of the time. Are you acknowledging that?

So, here’s my little action plan for you:

1. Think about the above. Map it out to your experience and your current teams and stakeholders. Are you recognizing some of the patterns and behaviors?

2. How about yourself, as the feedback giver?

3. Start acknowledging “expected” behavior, too. Give more praises.

4. When it comes to you, as the one on the receiving end, awareness is the first step. The next time you get a corrective piece of feedback, use this awareness to be more objective about it.

Rinse and repeat.

Peace, out ❤️