The Terrifying Truth About Working in Tech

If you think having a tech job is the answer to all your problems, think again.

Working at a large tech company can be quite a sobering experience for new employees, especially the drunk ones.

Here are just 11 of the horrors experienced everyday by tech employees, minus all the sugarcoating on Quora or Glassdoor.

Trigger warning: some of the situations described below might conjure extremely uncomfortable emotions, proceed with caution.

1. Nap rooms often occupied

In an ideal world, a long post-lunch snooze would be the norm — but no such world exists if the nap rooms are already occupied. The wait time for these rooms sometimes exceeds 60 minutes, or you might have to go to another floor. Or you might have to nap in a massage room. There really are no good alternatives here.

2. Limits on free sushi

Sushi day is great, but apparently 6 pieces at a time is the limit. What if you know you want more than that? Too bad. You’re out of luck. You have to get back in line to get more. And sometimes there is no line, so you get more immediately. Humiliating.

3. Lack of deadlines

It’s not that there aren’t any deadlines (although sometimes there aren’t any deadlines), it’s that all deadlines are self-imposed and largely meaningless. If you don’t get something done by the initial deadline, you very painfully have to set a new deadline. It can be quite taxing.

4. Complicated toilets

You thought learning HTML was hard? Try using a state-of-the-art butt cleaning system. Your mind will be left spinning to the point you might need to leave work early today, which is totally fine.

5. Disappointing holiday gifts

You might want a new phone or tablet for your holiday gift, and you will probably get one, but it won’t be the one you want. And even if it is the one you want, the income tax will be paid on it so you can’t even stick it to the man.

6. Loud people on the shuttle

There’s nothing worse than a loud colleague on your company provided transportation from San Francisco to Silicon Valley. But if you are looking for something worse, look no further than the sometimes flaky wi-fi.

7. Lack of variety in the free dessert selection

Mini creme brûlée is wonderful, as are lemon squares and key lime pie — but where’s the gluten-free chocolate cake? Oh, there it is. But still, why don’t the desserts change more? There’s absolutely nothing worse than a predictable dessert tray.

8. Vacation days taken away (once you accumulate 30)

You might think that working your butt off will pay off in vacation days, but the truth is those days will be taken away from you with plenty of notice when you’ve accumulated 30 days.

9. Sparkling water sometimes lacks sparkle

The sparkling water dispensers sometimes lose their fizz. Imagine pouring yourself a glass of carbonated goodness only to realize what you’re drinking is no better than the bottled water you could have gotten from the fridge. Horrifying.

10. No massages on company boat rides

Frequent company boat trips are great, but why aren’t you receiving a free massage while staring out at the harbor and drinking your margarita? Well, apparently that’s some kind of safety risk. It’s a disappointing let down every single time.

11. Loss of reality

Perhaps the worst part of working for a tech company is how out of touch with reality you’ll get. You’ll start to complain about the weirdest things. No one will understand you. The alienation and isolation will haunt you and you might have to spend a few more hours in the nap room (if it’s even available).

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Originally published at thecooperreview.com.